Leave
by Accidental Human Contact
Summary: Lister misses Rimmer. He really does, you know. AU slash. WiP.


Title: Leave It… Alone  
Author: Accidental Human Contact  
Pairing: Lister/Rimmer  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: None. Just general grotty Dwarf behavior  
A/N: Not much to add here. Feedback, I need it, you have it, gimme.  
Summary: Lister misses Rimmer. AU

_"Oh Listy!"_

_ "Oh Rimsy!"_

Dark brown eyes shot open. "Aaaaargh!" Lister clawed at his tongue, trying desperately to wipe the feel of Rimmer from his mouth. Slowly, he became aware of his surroundings…the floor next to his bunk. "Oh god, it was just a dream."  
  
----- ----- ----- ----- -----   
  
Lister tried to comfort the weeping droid. "Look, Kryten man, Chrissy just talked to me about how she missed her Dave, and, you know, helped me get some sort of perspective on missing Rimmer. That's all."  
Kryten looked up at the human. "But sir…"  
" 'But sir' nothing, Kryten. We just talked. It's something we humans do. Talk, share, commiserate. She misses Dave, I miss Rimmer. It helps to…" Lister trailed off as Kryten suddenly stopped weeping and leapt himself to his feet. "Of COURSE. Oh, why didn't I think of it before now. Mr Lister, sir, I put it to you that perhaps your dream involving you and Mr Rimmer had nothing to do with the fact that you've found yourself missing him."  
"Kryten, what're you talking about, man? Of course it does."  
"Not so, sir. Think about it. In Ms. Kochanski's universe she and her hologramatic companion, you sir, were involved…" and here, the mechanoid's face twisted, "romantically. Ew. Therefore, is it so hard to believe that in an alternate dimension you and your companion, Mr. Rimmer, could also have been linked, and it pains me too suggest this sir, romantically?"  
Lister scoffed. "What are you saying to me here, Kryten? That in some alternate dimension Rimmer and I were in the habit of sending each other roses and playing a few rounds of tonsil hockey behind closed doors? **_Rimmer?_** You're dreaming, Kryten. It'd never happen."  
"Well sir, theoretically speaking, it does make an, admittedly twisted, sort of sense. These dreams of yours, am I correct in assuming they only began very recently?" When Lister nodded, Kryten continued, "I propose that the reason you're experiencing these dreams is through no action of your own in this dimension, but perhaps as a result of our close proximity to Ms Kochanski's portal in the dimensional continuum. Although we never reached the portal, we were close enough to experience the…the backwash, if you will, from alternate dimensions the portal can provide. I believe these dreams are a reflex, that you perhaps tuned yourself in to them through your own sense of loss at Mr Rimmer's departure."  
"So, you're telling me that the reason I'm having…compromising dreams about Rimmer, for smeg's sake, is because I was missing him as we passed the portal, and this… what, 'tuned me in' to the dreams of another Dave Lister?"  
"Exactly sir."  
"…smeggin' hell."  
  
----- ----- ----- ----- -----

_"Listy, I missed you so much."_

_ "Never leave me alone again, Arnie. NEVER!"_

"Aaaargh! Oh smeg, not again." Lister fell back into his bunk with a groan, trying to rub out the images behind his eyelids with a harsh press from the heels of his hands. "Why me? What've I ever done to deserve this? If it's some sort of cruel and unusual karmic punishment, I've learned my lesson, I swear. I'll never lie, cheat or steal ever again, so long as someone takes these dreams away!" Dragging his hands away from his face, Lister sat up, throwing back the sheets. "This has got to stop. I'm going mad! I'm losing it! I'm an entire picnic short of a picnic! Gods, look at me, I'm shaking all over." He tried to still his jumping muscles, reining in his harsh gasps of breath. Shaking his head, he stood up and made his way to the front of the 'Bug.  
  
----- ----- ----- ----- -----  
  
"Why the long face, bud?" Lister looked up, vaguely startled to realize the Cat's face was hovering right in front of his own. He'd been staring off into space again, lost in thoughts of a certain flared nostriled hologram of the Rimmer variety. A small smile drifted across his features as he relived the familiar sounding bickering that had played itself out in his head. "Bud? Hey, you even listening to me?" The Cat waved a manicured hand in front of Lister's nose, then turned to Kryten in disgust. "I lost him again. What's wrong with chipmunk cheeks here anyways?"  
"I believe he misses Mr Rimmer, sir. He's been acting like this for a couple of days now. In truth I'm beginning to feel a little concerned about him. He no longer acts like the Mr Lister we all know and love. Why, this morning he barely even touched his curry."  
"He misses goalpost head? Quick, we need to get him to a hospital! He's a sick man!"  
"Sir, there is nothing wrong with Mr Lister. It is perfectly normal that he should be experiencing these emotions. After all, Mr Rimmer was brought back to keep Mr Lister sane. It is natural that Mr Lister should miss his influence, and all he represents. Mr Rimmer was his final link to his past, to the days before he was the last of his kind. Mentally speaking, Mr Lister is in a very fragile state right now, sir. You might try to display a little sympathy."  
"Display a little sympathy? I don't care what you say; there is nothing natural about missing trans-am wheel nostrils. I refuse to bear witness to this depravity. Engaging auto." Cat slinked from the cockpit, leaving a spaced out human, a worried mechanoid and one very confused Kochanski behind.  
  
----- ----- ----- ----- -----

_"…god, Listy…"_

_ "I've missed you man, missed you so smeggin' much…"_

Lister's eyes fluttered open, and he sighed, the deep long sigh of a man who has come to accept the inevitable. Why wouldn't the dreams just stop? They'd passed the dimensional link days ago, for smegs sake. Maybe he was starting to go a little… funny in the head department. Just the other day he'd caught himself considering that maybe there was more to the dreams…otherwise he would have stopped having them by now, right? Lister shook his head, running a frustrated hand over his dreads. "Kryten!"

"Sir, you mustn't worry about this. You're over-thinking. It's a classic reaction to this sort of scenario, sir."  
"But Kryten… I can't get him out of my head, man. It's not just the dreams anymore, I found myself sort of tuning everyone else out, and when I snap back, I realize that he's all I've been thinking about! The way his nostrils flared…or the way the light would bounce off his 'H'. The way an insult would just roll from his mouth, hell, just the way he'd sit and stare at the navicom, face sort of, like, twisted as he pretended to make sense of the controls. Why haven't the dreams stopped yet? This isn't… this isn't normal Kryten. Maybe… maybe this other Lister was onto something."  
"Oh sir, that's disgusting! You can't seriously be suggesting that you and Mr Rimmer… you're lucky mechanoid's can't barf, sir."  
Lister shook his head, grimly amused expression pasted across his face. "Thanks for the support, Kryten."  
"Well, sir, it's just the thought of Mr Rimmer with ANYONE is enough to make my circuits fuse. You're reading far too much into this entire situation. I predict the dreams you're experiencing should fade away within the next couple of days. The influence of the alternate Lister should, theoretically, wear off any day now. You'll soon forget all about Mr. Rimmer, sir."  
"No, Kryten… you remember when you had your jealous fit that sent us scarpering un-necessarily through Starbug's ducts? Well, Chrissy told me that in her universe, her Dave Lister was gay. At the time I thought she was just trying to take me mind off the claustrophobia, but now, I don't know. I just… could you leave us alone for a while, Kryten? I need to think."  
"But sir…"  
"Now, Kryten."

Lister looked up as Kochanski tentatively knocked. "Hi."  
"Hi."  
"Dave…"  
"I don't want to talk about it Chrissy."  
"But Dave…"  
"No, I can't, I can't do this right now, Chris, I just can't!" Lister rolled to face the wall of his bunk. He sighed as he felt the bunk dip with the added wait of one Christine Kochanski.  
"Dave, look at me. Dave! Look at me. Please. You need to talk about this." Lister dredged up another deep sigh, then turned to face the supposed girl of his dreams, now sitting beside him on his bed.  
"There's nothing to talk about. Seriously. I'm fine."  
"You're not fine. Dave," Kochanski struggled to find the right words, "there's nothing… there's nothing wrong with the way you feel. It's just…" Lister grunted in disgust, and made to turn away again. "Lay off Chrissy, I said I didn't want to talk about it." She caught his shoulder, pulling him back round to face her. "Dave stop! Just… stop. Look, I know this whole…THING has been getting to you. And I'm not just talking about recent events; I'm talking about everything! I know, believe me, I know! I've been there! Okay? I know what you've gone through, what it feels like to be the last of your kind. I know! Will you just talk to me, please?"  
"Ah Chrissy… I just… I can't stop thinking about him. He won't get out of my head! Everything I do, everything I say, I can hear him, can hear the words he'd say, see the kind of vaguely amused sneer he'd be wearin' as he said it. It's always there and it won't leave me alone! What does that mean? Do I really want… Rimmer? Cause that thought used to disgust far more than it does right now!"  
Kochanski didn't reply, just rubbed Lister's shoulder in comfort, and dropped a chaste kiss against his brow.

----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Lister sat at the table, downing his morning vindalo. Kryten had been right, the dreams soon ceased, or at least lost their desperate intensity. Unfortunately, this did nothing to appease his newfound longing for the man he'd always thought he despised. While the Rimmer Experience had reminded him that Rimmer was, in fact, a complete smeg-head, destroying his romanticized delusions, it had done nothing to dull ache of longing that throbbed within him. As time passed, the ache had become a familiar companion, sapping his strength and stealing his humour. However, life went on, dragging Lister with it, and before long a sense of balance and normalcy had returned to their daily grind.

----- ----- ----- ----- -----

"Thanks Chrissy. This means a lot to me, you know."  
Kochanski grimaced. "That's okay Dave. There are only a couple of hundred less disgusting things I've done in my lifetime, up to and including squeezing the puss-ridden polyps on the backside of a Gelf."  
Lister swiveled his eyes sideways, attempting to look incredulously at Kochanski. Again, she grimaced. "Don't ask." A small "Ew!" escaped her lips as she peeled another piece of globulous jelly-like flesh from Lister's dreads. "You know, you might have thought to duck before the Lontachi exploded."  
"Hey! I tried! Having a 7 foot lump of a creature, who looks and smells like custard gone a-hundred years past it's used date, explode it's inside over you isn't exactly the kind of thing you form an orderly queue to experience."  
Letting loose a low groan of disgust Kochanski picked free the final blob of flesh. "There you go. I cannot believe I spent the better half of an hour picking Lontachi hide from your hair. I'm going to go shower for a few days." She gently patted his head, before winding her way back to her quarters. Lister watched her go, a small smile of affection playing across his features. He shook himself. "A shower. Now there's an idea."

…"Oooooo…" Lister trailed off on the final note of an old Smeg and the Heads song when Starbug started shuddering violently. "Smeg!" He struggled with the taps, then stumbled from the shower, grabbing a towel on his way through. "Kryten! What's going on?" As he staggered towards the cockpit the jolting ship-quakes suddenly ceased. Lister ran the rest of the way. "Kryten? Kryten, what happened?"  
"A ship has suddenly appeared on our scanners, sir. It appears to have crossed over from another dimension."  
Lister's chest tightened. "Who's aboard?"  
As the gasped question fell from his lips, the static on the telecom cleared, leaving a heartbreakingly familiar face in its place. "Hello boys. I was near the galaxy, thought I'd drop by." Lister stared, dumbfounded, at Rimmer's image. His heart pounded, ears roaring with rushing blood, as Kryten replied "Mr Ace, sir! It's a pleasure to see you again so soon!"  
"Well Kryters, it's been far longer for me than for you chaps. Time dilutions and the like. One of the hazards of inter-dimensional travel, I fear. I'll be docking in about 10 minutes, Krytes. Smoke me a kipper, I'll be there for breakfast." With that, Ace faded, the buzz of static again taking the screen. "Oh Mr. Lister, sir! Mr. Ace has returned! Oh, but I have to go tell the good news to Mr. Cat and Ms. Kochanski. Oh happy day…" Kryten bubbled off through the door. Lister, unmoved, continued to stare at the white fuzz before him. "Rimmer." A hushed whisper, as he gently touched the blank screen.


End file.
